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“I’m Fine.” — What We Really Mean When We Say It
- Syné Collective
- 13 minutes ago
- 7 min read
Most of us say it without thinking.
“Hey, how are you?”
“I’m fine.”
But “I’m fine” rarely means fine. It’s a reflex — a socially acceptable placeholder when honesty feels too risky, too heavy, or too complicated to unravel in the middle of the work kitchen or while grabbing a coffee on George Street.
At Syné Collective in Sydney’s CBD, we hear “I’m fine” every day. And almost always, it’s the beginning of something more honest, more tender, and more human.
“I’m Fine” Is a Shield, Not the Whole Truth
People say “I’m fine” when what they often actually mean is:
"I don’t know how to talk about what I’m feeling.”
“I don’t want to burden anyone.”
“I’m barely holding things together.”
“I don’t feel safe being vulnerable.”
“If I start talking, I’m scared I won’t stop.”
It’s not dishonesty. It’s self-protection. Other signs that you might be struggling can be subtle. Often your body and behaviour gives the first glues before your mind or your mouth catches up.
Choking Up
Ever had someone casually ask how you are and you start choking or tearing up? It feels insanely awkward and puts unwanted attention on us, but it's often a result of holding things in for too long that even the smallest moment of care unintentionally cracks the surface.
Feeling Exhausted Even After Resting
This isn't just feeling 'tired' and it's not something a power nap can fix. It's a bone deep heaviness, feeling like someone has drained you of all your energy and motivation.
You're on Emotional Eggshells
The smallest stressor can tip you into overwhelm irritation or tears. Dropping your keys, or your shirt getting caught on the door handle, or trying to load a webpage with slow internet. It's not the moment that's big, but your capacity is low.
Words Get Jumbled
You avoid difficult conversations. You minimuse feelings even in your own head. Words feel stuck or like you can't string together a sentence.
Running on Autopilot
You're going through the motions. You show up socially, clock in to work, get the groceries done, and from outside it can appear that you're doing all the right things, but days pass with little meaning or significance.
Avoiding Situations You Wouldn't Think Twice About
Things that never would have bothered you before, or situations you've previously coped with easily, like work events, social plans, decisions.... it all starts to feel 'too much'.
The Tears Come as soon as you Slow Down
As soon as you sit still, or in moments of solitude, the dam wall breaks and the tears start flowing. You could be driving, showering, lying in bed, washing dishes — emotion bubbles up when your brain stops distracting itself and tells you subconsciously that it's safe to let go because no one is watching.
You're the 'Strong One' for everyone else
Some people naturally become the emotional anchor in their relationships. Friends go to them for advice, family vents to them, colleagues confide & strangers somehow spill their life story in line at Woolies.
For Empaths & People-Pleasers in particular, they have finely tuned emotional radars and can sense discomfort, tension and sadness in others, making them incredibly safe for people to turn to, but leaving them without a place of their own to land.
If this resonates, check out our blog about people-pleasing to learn practical tips.
Where We Learned to Say It (And Why It’s So Australian)
“I’m fine” doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s shaped by childhood, family systems and the culture we grow up in.
The Australian Way: Polite, Easy-Going, and Emotionally Contained
Australia sits at an interesting crossroads. Our British influence brings a sense of emotional reserve, politeness, and the classic ‘stiff upper lip,’ while the hard-working, down-to-earth Aussie spirit gives us the ‘she’ll be right’ sense of stoicism.
Over the generations, we've been quietly conditioned to:
Keep things light
Not “make a fuss”
Avoid burdening others
Stay easy-going and self-reliant
Keep emotional conversations private
Not be "dramatic,” “oversharing,” or “too much”
Our cultural staples—“no worries,” “she’ll be right,” “all good”—become emotional scripts. We learn them before we learn how to name our feelings.
So when someone asks how we’re going, the correct answer is meant to be short, upbeat, and socially smooth.
In fact, in Australia, especially in workplace or casual social settings, giving a genuinely honest response like “Not good” can be seen as:
Rude
Attention-seeking
Overly intense
Awkward
or Emotionally Inappropriate for the moment
This shapes us more than we realise. Many Australians learn to hide their internal world not because they want to, but because authenticity feels socially risky and is often perceived as violating an unspoken social contract.
We're not alone here however. There are other cultural contexts where saying "not good" casually can be considered inappropriate, such as Southern US, Japan, South Korea, China, Thailand, Singapore, and more.
Is It Normal in Other Countries to Be More Honest?
Short answer: yes.
In many cultures, emotional straightforwardness is normal — sometimes even expected.
In Netherlands, Germany and Scandinavia, honesty is seen as respectful and efficient.
In Southern Europe and Latin America, emotional expression is part of connection.
In parts of the US, many people are more verbally open about stress, burnout, or personal challenges.
Compared to these regions, Australians tend to edit ourselves down — to avoid awkwardness, protect social harmony, and maintain that famously laid-back vibe.
But that cultural politeness comes with a cost: it becomes harder to recognise our own feelings, and even harder to express them.
The Cost of Staying "I'm Fine"
When “I’m fine” becomes habitual, the emotional cost accumulates. Over time, suppression can lead to:
Emotional exhaustion
Anxiety and overthinking
Chronic burnout
Resentment or irritability
Numbness or disconnection
Difficulty expressing or identifying feelings
Feeling unseen, unsupported or lonely — even around people
The truth is, you cannot heal what you chronically minimise.
Therapy Is Where “I’m Fine” Turns Into Something Real
Therapy creates a rare kind of space — one where you don’t have to protect anyone, perform wellness, or keep yourself small.
In therapy, you can finally say:
“Actually… I’m not fine. I’m overwhelmed.”
“I’m tired.”
“I feel alone.”
“I don’t recognise myself anymore.”
“I need help.”
A good Therapist will meet you with presence — not panic, judgement or minimisation.
Why Honesty Happens in Therapy
In the therapy room:
You don’t have to manage anyone else’s reactions
You don’t have to be “strong” or “resilient”
Your inner world isn’t too much
Your emotions aren’t inconvenient
You’re allowed to pause, reflect, feel, unravel and rebuild
In fact, Therapy is the one place that is exclusively for you to let go and feel how you feel.
A skilled therapist can help you break down the emotional facade of “I’m fine” into the deeper emotional truths underneath it — truths that matter.
At Syné Collective, our warm, intentionally designed Sydney CBD space gives people the first real exhale they’ve had in years.
Our team of Accredited & Experienced Psychotherapists draw upon a range of modalities in a process that is at your own pace, free of judgement, and truly just for you.
What Happens After You Stop Saying “I’m Fine”
Opening up emotionally isn’t about being dramatic or oversharing — it’s about becoming more connected, embodied and understood.
When you start naming how you feel, you begin to notice:
✔️ Your needs
What you actually require to feel supported, rested and stable.
✔️ Your boundaries
Where you’ve been saying yes out of guilt or pressure.
✔️ Your emotional landscape
Grief, fatigue, anger, longing, confusion, hope—each with a purpose.
✔️ Your identity
Who you are beneath the coping strategies, roles and expectations.
This is where real change begins.
Practical Tips: How to Turn off the Default Response
Here are gentle, realistic steps people can try before or alongside therapy:
1. Upgrade “I’m Fine” with a Micro-Truth:
Use a simple sentence that feels honest but still safe. Examples:
“It’s been a big week.”
“I’m a bit tired today.”
“I’m managing, thanks.”
It opens space without oversharing.
2. Pause Before Responding
You don’t have to answer instantly. A 2-second breath often gives your brain time to find a more accurate response.
3. Practice Identifying Feelings
Use simple, accessible language like:
“Overwhelmed”
“Flat”
“Unsettled”
“Stretched thin”
Emotional vocabulary grows with practice.
4. Notice Where You Learned “I’m Fine”
Ask yourself:
Who taught me to hide my feelings?
Was it safer to stay quiet?
Did vulnerability feel punished or ignored?
Awareness brings choice.
5. Try Being Honest with One Safe Person
Not everyone earns your vulnerability. Choose someone who listens without fixing, judging or hurrying you.
6. Let Your Body Answer the Question
Sometimes your body knows before your mind does. Notice:
Tight chest
Lump in throat
Fatigue
Tension
Heaviness
This can guide your emotional truth.
7. Consider Therapy When “I’m Fine” Feels Automatic
If your default response feels hollow or protective, therapy is a safe place to explore why — and what you actually need.
If “I’m Fine” Is Your Default — Therapy Might Be Your Turning Point
At Syné Collective, we support individuals and couples through emotional overwhelm, burnout, numbness, anxiety, relationship patterns and identity work.
We’re intentionally located at the heart of Sydney’s CBD — close to transport, lunch-break friendly, and designed to feel warm, grounded and human.
For many people with ADHD, depression, chronic stress, or complex emotional histories, getting to therapy itself can feel like a task. We’ve built a space that removes friction instead of adding to it.
If you’re ready to move past “I’m fine” and toward something more honest, spacious and restorative, we’re here when you are.
✨ Saturday appointments available on request
✨ Telehealth sessions available Australia-wide
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